Social surrogates, social motivations, and everyday activities: The case for a strong, subtle, and sneaky social self

Although the idea of human beings being primarily and inextricably social has strong support in the psychological literature, an examination of how human beings actually choose to spend much of their time suggests a species more interested in solitude than social connection. In this chapter, we propose that a careful examination of seemingly nonsocial activities actually strongly supports a view of humans as primarily and inextricably social beings. We argue that the social self can be seen as strong, subtle, and sneaky. Specifically, because social motivations are so strong, they can be filled in unexpected ways that people may not even recognize. In other words, social motives sometimes work below the surface of consciousness in subtle and seemingly sneaky (i.e., unconscious and indirect) ways. For example, although we know we are being social when we call a friend on the phone or go to a party, our research suggests that we may also be socially motivated when we turn on the television, read a book, watch a football game, or go to a movie. We present evidence that supports a conception of a social self that propels us to actions that may not seem social to those around us, or even to ourselves, but that are actually fulfilling our very human and highly pervasive needs for social connection. We begin by discussing the seemingly nonsocial means people use to fulfill the need to belong. We then move on to reviewing evidence of ways in which people can be unaware of the strength of their social needs and of the social nature of their behavior. Finally, we conclude by discussing what this work suggests about human nature, modern behavior, and the social self.